CONSPIRACY THEORY PREDICTIONS

Now that the conventions are over, the Spinmeisters will be in high gear. And given their normal proclivity for such things, look for the right-wing talk show hosts to begin a new round of Conspiracy Theories, and maybe even some of the liberals will have their own wacko scenarios.

Let me make very clear that I don't believe in the below conspiracy theories. (For starters, our government has to be the worst in the world at keeping secrets.) Nonetheless, I would wager on some versions of these being floated out by the nutcase talk-show faction, if Vegas is giving odds:

1) CLINTON'S SURGERY IS A RUSE
The motive: Bill Clinton wants Kerry to lose so Hillary can run in 2008.
The evidence: the heart surgery came out of nowhere, and everyone was trying to keep all details a secret; Clinton's support of Wesley Clark late in the primary campaign.
The spin: The Clintons were in a Catch-22: campaigning for Kerry and helping him win would negate any chance of Hillary running in 4 years, but not campaigning would lower the Clinton's stock (especially Hillary's) as selfish, non-team players. How else do you explain Clinton's sudden support of the ultra-weak Wesley Clark after Kerry was already steaming towards the nomination? So, the spin will go, that the Clintons want to do as little as possible in the hopes that it won't be enough to change the outcome of the election but will still be seen as being on board.

So, Bill shows up at the DNC, makes a marvelous speech. Dems get all excited about Bill campaigning. Then, immediately following the RNC, when it's apparent that the Republicans have all the momentum, Bill mysteriously has chest pains and is whisked away to a New York hospital for heart surgery. The word from the Clinton camp already is months of rest, no visitors, blah, blah, blah. In other words, Bill is off the hook! 2008 slogans already underway! With Hill and Bill we surely will!

2) CHECHNYAN TERRORIST ACTS ARE DESIGNED TO BRING THE U.S. TO RUSSIA'S AID
The motive: Russia wants to drag the U.S. into supporting its conflict with Chechnya.
The evidence: 2 plane crashes and an elementary school standoff come right on the heels of the RNC. The Russian government astonishingly lets the state-run press criticize the administration's handling, so as to get their citizens ready to fight.
The spin: Russians have had their problems with Chechnya for a decade, but because of years of hostility towards the Soviet Union the U.S. and most of Europe have been unsympathetic. Likewise, when Russia opposed the Iraq conflict the U.S. drew further away. But Putin and Bush are friendly. Bush could use help from Russia, and the Russians could be helped by U.S. support as well, even if it's just turning a blind eye to how they deal with Chechnya.

The planes that went down have been completely devoid of outside sources confirming what happened. Likewise, the news of the taking of the schoolyard and the subsequent loss of 350 (and counting) hostages and children have been filtered completely through the Russian news sources. And, with one exception, all of the terrorists who stormed the school have been killed, so no one can spill the beans about what really happened.

Americans now see images of Russians sorrowed and angered, eerily similar to what we went through after 9/11. Tass, which is run by the state government, openly critcizes the government for the slow handling of the situation. All reports from Interfax (a British puppet, the Spinmeisters will say) and Tass point to Wahabi Muslim extremists. Since these reports undoubtedly are orchestrated by Putin he must have a goal. And it's simple: to draw America's sympathy. In the long run, they'll end their rhetoric and help us with new information about our enemies and guarantee us oil. In return, we help them by not blowing the whistle on the heavy-handed way they are about to deal with the Chechnyans.

3) BIN LADEN CAPTURED & BEING HELD AS INSURANCE
The motive: News of Osama bin Laden's capture at the right time would go insure a Bush victory.
The evidence: There has been little news coming out of Afghanistan for months, and the Pakistani Army seems to have rounded up everyone else associated with the Taliban and Al Qaeda in their area. Things are too quiet and peaceful for bin Laden to still be around.
The spin: The U.S. captured bin Laden months ago, but with the capture of Saddam Hussein hitting the news the Bush Administration decided to keep bin Laden's snaring a secret until a later date. They will release the news somewhere in mid-to-late October to further ensure that Bush wins the election. If Osama was still around, there would be new videos, audio messages, or coordinated attacks in Afghanistan or even Pakistan. However, everything has been peaceful. The Afghans are preparing to vote. The Pakistan government is cozying up to the U.S. This is all hard to believe unless bin Laden has actually been taken out of the equation.

Whether or not any of these are floated about remains to be seen. But you can be reasonably sure that some sort of conspiracy theories will hit the airwaves soon. That, unfortunately, is the state of our media and the people who swallow it whole.