DEBATE #3, OR, THE SHOTS DRANK ROUND THE WORLD

For those that don’t know, the Debate Game is in full swing. The intial idea came from the Winged Conservative, but was brought to full bore by the Liberal Colorado Friend. The gist of the game: pick a candidate. If it’s Kerry, you’re drinking whenever he says “middle class” or “I have a plan.” If it’s Bush, you’re drinking whenever he says “liberal” in reference to Kerry, or “It’s Hard Work.”

The Liberal Colorado Friend has already made 2 observations: when the presidential debates sink to the level of the game “Hi, Bob”, we’re not talking about Lincoln vs. Douglas. “You know, the one thing about the quotes ‘I have a plan’ and ‘It’s hard work’…I at least buy that it’s hard work.”

PRE DEBATE
Jennifer Granholm, Governor of Michigan, has already said “John Kerry has a plan.” Kerry supporters, call in sick now.

Chris Matthews (MSNBC) says they’ll be covering John Edwards on the campaign trail tomorrow. The Conservative Wife wants to know where he’ll be so she can bring her shotgun. The Centrist Dude locates the gun and shells for her.

Tim Russert has fallen from my good graces. He might as well join hands with Gwen Ifill and say “we’re voting for Kerry, and here’s what he needs to do!” His latest patter is how Kerry needs to have a 10-point bulge with women voters, and they’ll have their opportunity tonight because “there’s a baseball game on the other channel.” Right, Tim, because those silly women can’t think for themselves with their husbands in the same room. And so long as we’re playing the chauvinist stereotype game, have you considered how many of these women who apparently can't think for themselves are going to say “You watch baseball, honey, I’m going to turn the debate on in the other room.” Does this mean Kerry shouldn’t speak to African-Americans because they’re all going to watch the sporting event? Thankfully, Tom Brokaw seems to be a voice of sanity & reason.

Andrew Card talks about Bush inheriting the “dotcom bust” and then the shock of September 11th. Why have the Republicans waited until now to talk about that? They’ve had 3.9 years to bring that up. Andrew Card then says “Being the President is more than winning on style.” ACCK! That’s close enough to “It’s hard to be President” that I’m setting up multiple shot glasses for myself & the C.W. at the next ad break.

I’m 0-2-1 on my debate predictions, but we’ll make one more:

The St. Louis Cardinals will beat the living crap out of the Houston Astros.

Chris Matthews: “Tonight’s moderator, Bob Schieffer, was on Hardball the other night. He said he’s going to be kind of liberal in his questioning.” You’ve got to be kidding! I don’t care what your political leanings are, if you are in journalism, YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO BE IMPARTIAL! Big Media needs a wake-up call. One has to wonder if the media was of a different political makeup, would we have any Democrats? B.M. needs a wakeup call. Bloggers, unite.

DEBATE BEGINS
Ahhh…Bob Schieffer’s with CBS News. No wonder he’s a pansy-ass liberal who doesn’t care about non-partisanship.

NOTE: CD & CW’s Debate Game beverage of choice is Jagermeister. God help us all.

Howdy Doody shakes Alfred E. Neumann’s hand once again.

8:05 Howdy Doody takes the first question (“Will we ever be as safe as we when we grew up”) and doesn’t actually answer it.

Alfred E. Neumann “has a comprehensive strategy.” Good thing that didn’t come from Doody or we’d have to have called a technicality and made the Doody supporters drink.

8:07 C.W. notices the 2 candidates are dressed exactly alike! They have the same color suit, the same tie, and the same American Flag pin in the same spot.

8:10 Bush takes an apparent blindside question about the flu vaccine shortage and does a great job of answering it, turning it around to how the lack of tort reform is why we’re not getting enough vaccine from our own country, and had to rely on a British company.

Kerry, predictably, says nothing about this issue, but turns it around to how health care is bad because….oh wait…KERRY says I HAVE A PLAN!! All Kerry supporters to do 2 shots.

8:15 Kerry says “my plan” 3 times. The Liberal Colorado Friend is at 8 shots and we’re only 15 minutes into the debate. He’s in trouble.

Bush talks about Kerry’s record without using the word liberal…can he keep it up? Bush says ‘middle class.’ He’s co-opting Kerry’s drinking points.

8:20 Bob Schieffer, you’re a liberal old prune. He’s doing the Gwen Ifill moderating technique: lob Kerry softballs, throw Bush overhand fastballs. I’m offended. Bush has spittle in the corner of his mouth. Someone needs to give him the sign to wipe his mouth.

I guess the networks have decided that they’re just going to split screen full time.

8:23 Bush is rebutting Kerry’s softball question. I’ll bet Schieffer gives Kerry rebuttal time back, unike the last question where he didn’t give Bush a counter-rebuttal. And…yes he does.

Kerry said that there were fewer Pell Grants, Bush rebuts with “Kennedy is the Conservative Senator from Massachusetts.” Close enough. C.W. & C.D. drink their shots.

8:27 Bush takes a question about marriage and does something brilliant: “By proposing a Constitutional Amendment to defend gay marriage we get to involve the citizenry instead of activist judges.” In essence, the Amendment won’t get passed, but citizens will be the ones determining that.

8:33 Bob Schieffer “The Washington Post says that the health care costs have risen over 36% in the last 4 years.” There’s a non-partisan news source. Another liberal move: the cameras are tighter on Bush than they are on Kerry, so a) he looks shorter, and b) the viewers can see every nuance of his face.

8:39 Houston 4, St. Louis 2.

Kerry says “I have a better plan.” I think that’s worth 3 shots, but the rules only say 2. Debate Game update: Kerry supporters: 10 shots consumed. Bush supporters: 1.

8:41 Bush tells Bob Schieffer “I don’t think it’s wise for my opponent to quote large media sources because…oh never mind.” That’s funny! I’m not sure whether that’s really smart or really stupid. Schieffer will certainly lob no softballs his way now (like he has been), but that could also point out that Schieffer & CBS are in Kerry’s camp. Not sure how that will play out; kind of a risky gambit.

8:44 The new question is about Social Security and paying for it. At some point, will someone have the balls to stand up and say “We must change the retirement age for those below the age of X.” We all expect it, and that should be the case. How about anyone below the age of 50? They can’t retire with full benefits until the age of 68? And those under the age of 35 will get full benefits at age 70?

Kerry says that “letting young people invest their own money is ripe for disaster.” His argument is that they are the ones paying for the current system. That’s insulting, and it should be for those young idealogues who support him. He’s basically saying you’re too dumb to know what to do unless you give the federal government your money. For those of you who are above the age of 30 that also believe that young people don’t know what to do with their money, shame on you. Too many people believe that everyone else isn’t smart enough to mind their own money, but of course, that doesn’t apply to them. If this is you, you’re a disingenuous, pompous ass. Drink a shot!

8:49 Kerry: “I have a plan” and “middle class tax cuts.” 13 shots and counting.

8:50 All of the Kerry supporters say, through a drunken haze, ‘Hoowcommme Bussh’s code phrassse ain’t ‘taax cutsss?’

8:53 Bush is really playing for the Hispanic vote by suggesting that Mexican workers can come here and work “with a special card.” That won’t play well in union halls.

8:55 Bush’s little “I’m done speaking” nod is cracking us both up. He looks like a 12-year old.

8:56 Kerry: “We allegedly have people coming across our border from the Middle East.” Gee, John, you allegedly have a plan.

8:58 “We had an initiative to raise women’s pay. They stopped it.” John…what was it, and who exactly is ‘they’?

9:02 Bush calls Kerry a “liberal Senator from Massachusetts.” We do shots, 13-3. Kerry starts talking directly to Bush, this could be the “special rules shots”….ahh, but Schieffer cuts off Bush from any rebuttal. All Debate Game players are grateful.

9:04 Kerry claims he is going to cut National Guard and Reservists so they won’t have extended tours, but will increase the Special Forces to make up the difference. Is anyone listening to this? What are you going to do, John, post classified ads?

C.W. thinks that Kerry is getting so much support from certain European countries that he’s speaking to them with comments like that. Interesting point-of-view.

9:08 Houston 4, St. Louis 4, bottom of the 5th.

9:09 Kerry says something very un-Al Gore-like: “I am a hunter, I am a gun owner.” Another smart comment: “Terrorists can go into a gun show and buy an AK-47 without a background check.” I don’t agree with him: I’ve been to gun shows, and I don’t think someone of Middle Eastern descent will be sold anything by the people who man the booths. However, it will play well with soccer moms.

9:16 Good Bush answer about religion: “You are equally an American if you’re a Christian, Jew or Muslim, or choose not to worship. That’s the great thing about this country.”

Kerry understands that this is dangerous territory and says “I respect the President and his views and share them.” Good job. Move along.

9:21 Kerry is using John McCain as a pawn, saying that “I’ll work with my good friend John McCain who is sitting here in the audience.” I’m sure that McCain will have something to say about that in any post-debate interviews.

9:23 Schieffer closes on the feel-good question of the night: “We all are married to strong women. Talk about them.” But Kerry, after a good and funny start, brings up his dead mom, and said that right before she died 2 years ago he told her about what he was thinking of running for President. “She told me ‘integrity, integrity, integrity.’ “ John, there’s no one to refute you, but that comes of as really disingenuous and highly unlikely.

9:26 In Kerry’s closing statement: “I believe the greatest hopes of our generation are out there, for us to reach for them and just grab them.” Yeah…there’s one on the wall! Ooh, and there’s another one that we’ve all missed. How could we not see these golden opportunities just under our noses?

9:28 In Bush’s closing statement: “We live on the sunrise side of a mountain, not the sunset side, so we can see the coming day and look to the future.” Yeah, that was probably the #1 criterion when you were looking for a home. Give me a break.

George continues to spout Neo-Con rhetoric. The Liberal Colorado Friend, already woozy, drains the rest of his ouzo.

St. Louis 7, Houston 4. I might win one.

POST DEBATE
Bob Schrum, Sr. Kerry Advisor is spouting the same stump lines that Kerry does. This reminds me that handlers on both sides don’t seem to have any original thoughts of their own. If all you can do is restate what has already been said, then why are you being interviewed?

Chris Jansing: “I just witnessed an interesting debate between Ralph Reed and Jesse Jackson going toe-to-toe on an issue.” Too bad someone wasn’t available to take them both out at that moment.

CENTRIST DUDE ANALYSIS
This debate showed me that Kerry can’t keep his focus even over a 3 week span (unless you're considering "focus" his ability to spout the same catch-phrases), but he still performed well visually. Bush was as good as he’ll ever be in a debate, which is to say he didn't suck. Both seemed to be playing to their constituents instead of swing voters, which is probably the best course of action at this point: get your supporters to turn out.

If Bush had performed like this in debate #1, we’d be looking at a landslide in 3 weeks. Instead, we’ll be watching Florida, Ohio, New Mexico, and possibly Missouri.

St Louis wins 10-4. I am 1-2-1.